Athletes - Al Bundy

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Al Bundy is a fictional character of English-American descent from the US television series Married... with Children, played by Ed O'Neill. Just like Homer Simpson, Al Bundy may be seen as the TV incarnation of a couch-potato and a 1990s version of a middle-aged übersexual. He's quite famous for his slapstick quotes.

The series never specified what name "Al" was short for, but the creators of the show said it was short for "Albert" or just been named "Al". He is a slovenly character who finds himself constantly downtrodden by life and forever regretful of the turns his life has taken since the end of high school, when an injury prevented him from playing college football, and he got married. The character was so popular that it has left O'Neill somewhat typecast since the series ended production.

Al Bundy is married to Peg Bundy, a shopping-crazed housewife who is unemployed, and does not cook or clean. Al mistakenly asked her to marry him after he got drunk and was forced to follow through by her shotgun-wielding father (Peg may have been pregnant at the time). He is a father of Kelly Bundy, a promiscuous dumb blonde (actually dumb bleached blonde), and Bud Bundy, a perpetually horny nerd. He is a proud driver of a Dodge Dart, built back in the era of American automotive T-Rex cars, and lives in Chicago suburbs. He works as a minimum-wage shoe salesman at the fictional Gary's Shoes and Accessories in the fictional New Market Mall. Al hates his job, loses it several times throughout the series, yet always ends up coming back to it.

Despite being a somewhat phlegmatic and slow guy, Al posesses a very dry sense of humour, and a definite love for his family, though that can still be traded for a fair amount of money.

Al hates fat women, his job, the prospect of having sex with his wife, and his feminist neighbor Marcy D'Arcy. He loves dirty magazines, free beer, "nudie" bars, and often cherishes the glory moment of his past - scoring four touchdowns in one game while playing for the fictional Polk High School football team. His favorite movie is Hondo, favorite sitcom - Psycho Dad.

Al and his friends founded NO MA'AM, the "National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood". Its purpose is to fight the increasing power of women all over society

Through the antihero of Al Bundy, the show portrays the dissatisfying existence of an average low-paid working class American; no matter the circumstances or however hard Al may work he never comes out on top.

Jobs held by Al Bundy

Shoe Salesman
Kelly's agent
Garbage man
Fast Food Employee
Department Store Santa
Gas Station Attendant
Mall Santa
Male Stripper at a Women's Bar
Founder of NO MA'AM
Security guard of Polk High
NO MA'AM President

Al Bundy Famous Quotes

Let's rock!
Go away, Peg
Behind every successful man is a woman who didn't marry me
I'm the only guy in the world who has to wake up to have a nightmare
If daddy gets the (electric) chair, will you sit on his lap one last time? (to Kelly)
Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.
Entertainment for the cave man was simple: Man kills food, woman burns it, giant pterodactyl swoops down, chases woman, woman falls in mud. A good laugh is had by all.
Peg, I suspect your mind, much like the lost continent of Atlantis, no longer appears on any map.
I'm so upset I can hardly eat this sandwich.
Am I truly nothing? Could the neighbourhood children be right?
Now wait a second. My pretty teenage daughter with the brain of a fruit fly earned a thousand dollars in three nights. Should I be worried?
The only power I sensed was that of the mighty forces unleashed by beans.
A man's home is his coffin.
The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.
The last thing a guy wants to look at the end of the day is a woman.
How about if I get my gun and shoot you with a nice silver bullet?d
Back then, mother meant cooking. But then, gay meant happy.
People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.
Ok, here's another idea. Let's toss this in the oven and see if it bakes - There's a shoe-salesman in the 23rd century. It's called Shoe Trek.
Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex, but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
Let me explain. It's just like an elevator. There's a 2 ton weight limit on those shoes...
It's not everyday an uncle dies and the coroner forgets to lock his house.
Sure selling shoes is fun. But behind the glamour, it's like any other minimum wage slow death.
I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury my wife in the backyard.
Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.
Women. Can't live with 'em - The End.
Please shoot me...
A man is a man all of his life. And a women's only sexy 'til she becomes your wife.
I am a great believer in love. I want to find it myself someday. Let me give you a little bit of advice. Bed 'em, don't wed 'em. Do 'em, don't woo 'em. Date 'em, don't mate 'em.
I love you, Peg... Just kidding!
WHOA BUNDY!
It's only cheating if you get caught.
Bundy’s don't celebrate birthdays. Oh sure, it causes irreparable emotional scars, but it saves a few bucks on presents
If a man can’t stand a 2-hour tape of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman he’s not strong enough to be in NO MA'AM!!!
Peg, could you get that? It's probably the 'Homeless: It could be worse' Tour.
Something big came out of the woods crashing through the brush. I thought it was you, Peg, but it didn't want my wallet
Now wait a second Peg, the kids are here. If you want to have sex, they'll have to leave. And if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave.
Aaron, let me explain something to you. When you've been married as long as I have, you do not want to see your wife topless. Speechless, maybe. Headless, naturally. But never ever topless.
Is that your mother? Tell her I said 'Oink'.
So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would, I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, are still out there, being what we don't wanna be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!
A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoestore today, said, "I like something I'd be comfortable in"; I said, "Try Wyoming."
Gentlemen, in the history of mankind, there have only been a few truly good scams. Loch Ness Monster; Canada; but now, the tax-free church of NO MA'AM.

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