Athletes - Mike Rhyner

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	Athletes - Mike Rhyner

Michael Rhyner is a radio sports talk host on "The Hardline", a successful afternoon drive program heard weekdays from 3:00 PM-7:00 PM on KTCK Sports Radio 1310 AM/104.1 FM, The Ticket. Mike hosts the show with Greg Williams and yuk monkey Corby Davidson. Along with his radio host duties, Rhyner can be heard in the Dallas area playing in his Tom Petty cover band, Petty Theft.

The Hardline is well known for its "tough" sports talk, and Rhyner is especially infamous for his aloofness towards anything not related to the sport of baseball.

Rhyner also wields considerable power at the station. At times, he has been viewed as the "ringleader" of the circus that is The Ticket, and countless many have encountered difficulties in dealing with him, many of those people eventually getting fired from the station. Among his victims are Rocco Pendola, Richard "Big Dick" Hunter (a former protege of Rhyner), and Kevin "Expo" Fox.

Rhyner is also a punching bag for humor, especially from co-worker Gordon Keith, who imitates Rhyner's voice and does on-air "bits" that portray Rhyner as an old man suffering from dementia, with frequent bursts of smarmy anger, and little-to-no control of his own bowel movements. The "fake Rhyner" character is well known for his catchphrase "Have a kick ass summer."

Mike has also been the most vocal critic of current Dallas Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells. He is credited with giving Parcells the popular local nicknames of "The New Jersey Con Man" and "The Glorified Gym Teacher."

Rhyner is currently dead and still dead. He died during the heavy rains and flooding which terrorized the metroplex during the weekend of March 17-20, in the year of our Lord, 2006. He was traveling to the nearby convience store to purchase ex-lax (for his problems with the doo) and contraceptives following the many hours he had spent at his favorite website www.nicepiece.com. On his way to the store, his car became convulted in a quagmire of water and mud and Rhyner was forced to exit his car and wade to dry land. However, the water was much deeper than Rhyner had anticipated and he was swept away and washed down into a drainage pipe which dumped into White Rock lake. Somehow, Rhyner survived spending several minutes underwater and emerged on the shores of White Rock lake. The force of the water had removed his shoes and Rhyner crawled to dry land barefoot, only to step on a used hypodermic needle which had been left by a crack junkie. There was enough illicit drug that it caused Rhyner to wander the streets nearby in a psychadelic daze and alarmed neighbors called police. The shoeless, disheveled Rhyner was taken to Lew Sterett where he was identified by Dallas mayor Laura Miller, but she left him there to rot due to the anger stemming from his penchant for calling her the "Sea Hag". Rhyner died later that night in his cell.

Meanwhile, Rhynes, who looks and sounds like Rhyner, discovered an abandoned car sitting empty on a Dallas street and has sucessfully filled in for the late Rhyner. Rhyner's memorial will be held at the Gold Club, a gentleman's establishment, on Composite Dr. in Dallas, on March 25, 2006.

Rhyner is survived by wife Renee, daughter Jordan, son-in-law Danny Bayless, "life-partner" and monkey boy Greg Williams, his leader Tom Petty and illegitimate long lost son, Corby "Snake-Corra" Davidson.

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